Of Love and Philosophy

A philosopher can be defined as someone who has or came up with logical ideas or philosophy about things without actually experiencing them. For example, a philosopher had never fallen in love with a girl before but somewhat knew how love felt by conscience or ideas through observation, etc..

Definition of philosopher from the internet:
-A person who lives and thinks according to a particular philosophy OR
-A person who is calm and rational under any circumstances.

Based from the 1st and top-est definition, I can assume myself to be a philosopher perhaps? In fact, almost everyone can be considered philosopher. The problem was... most people thought that they came up with a new philosophy which is not true because most philosophy had been made long time ago. Some are living by this philosophy without knowing it. Anyways, this is not quite the point of what I wanna share. It was of philosophy and love.

I never had any girlfriend before (<--this is not bragging) but I did read of many love's philosophy and stories. Recently, I think that I had fallen in love with someone based on some books I read or philosophy I knew.

P1 - We shared many interests but somehow talk less about it (actually it was me being shy). In fact, she was the only girl which I felt harder to talk to somehow though she did try to start a conversation sometimes (this does not mean that she like me).
P2 - I could not stop thinking about her sometimes (maybe because she was someone 'special' to me or perhaps something more than that).
P3 - I did things for her which I did not have to (I just thought that I was being extra helpful or hardworking).
P4 - Love is from the heart, sees the heart and through the heart. She does not look so pretty physically (according to my friend) but I think she is.
P5 - Somehow, I am willing to change some parts of myself for her (without showing or revealing that I really am)
P6 - Get your own philosophy!! =.=

This is a problem about philosophers (perhaps just me?). They never experienced such a thing and got lost in their ideas when they did. Philosophy also states that love can grow or die by revealing the truth. Should I confess the truth to her and let this love die? (She was never meant for me in the first place =P). Honesty is the best policy after all (love knows no boundaries)



10 signs your crush likes you

1. Replies to your text messages...
Well, only if you text each other, that is! haha... he really replies even though it's a group message or even like "Good Morning"... either he would reply the same as your text or with a smiley (",)

2. Doesn't mind chatting for a long time...
Either you or he starts to have a conversation with you in messenger... you two just kept on chatting, that you've lost track of time and you've realized that your chat was so long already.... like if you copy and paste it, it's like 5 pages long or more!
And of course, you, yourself.. don't mind! You're actually happy about it!
*smiles*

3. He plays with his hair...
*nods*
Oh yeah, guys play with their hair! When you are around he starts playing with his hair, probably he wants to look cute to you.... Sometimes boys can be more conscious with what they look like compare to girls.
Believe us!

4. He starts saying jokes *grins*
He'll tell jokes just to make you laugh.
Coz you see, guys like seeing the one they like... laughing!

5. Mimics you!
When you lean on the wall, he'll lean on the wall... when you raised your eye brows, he'll also raised his!
When you say...
"Cut it out!"
"Cut it out!" he'll say it again, this time... smiling.
He'll continue doing this until you are annoyed.

6. Treats you!
When you are going to buy something like, say, on the cafeteria for food... he'll pay for you! Though you kept telling him that you have the money to pay for it...
I mean that would be so cool! You have your own banker! Kidding! Don't abuse his kindness... he might stop liking you.... and that'll be... so sad...
*sniffs*

7. Tries to look away when you glance at him...
'cause he's blushing!!! Oh my! We wanna see a boy blushing--for once!
Okay, now where were we?
Right!
He'll look away coz you see, boys don't like girls seeing them blush.. coz they say that would be so embarrassing! If ever you noticed he'll be like whispering to himself....
"Oh! The horror! She knows! She knows! Must run awayyyy eee ay eee ay eee ayyy!" (=.="")

8. Never say "NO"
When you ask him a favor, he would gladly do it for you! No matter what it takes--he'll do it! Sigh.... Even though you ask him something that he thinks he can't do... he would never say "No"... he'll try to say "yes" and "yes" all the time...

9. Straightens his clothes when you pass by or when you're around him...
'cause he wants you to notice him! I mean, there's no need! You already have a crush on him! Haha..... (=.="" swt so much)
and the most obvious sign he likes you is that.....

10. You caught him looking at you!
You might feel embarrassed that he caught you looking at him... but always remember... HE LOOKED AT YOU TOO!
*looks at him*
*caught you looking at him*
*quickly looked away*
....
Then you glanced at him again and you saw him...
...Smiling back at you! :D Ahhh......

This Fact

Some people might know me. Some people think that they know me. Some people might think that I may not be so Holy after everything I had wrote about God's Wonders, Spiritual Life, Spiritual and Emotional inspirations, etc. It is true that sometimes, I do not even portray a life of what I shared in this blog and what I had learnt in life. The fact is I am human and humans are not perfect. That is why we need God... Become God-dependent! It is up to us to recognize that! The fact that no one tells this to me (except myself) just made me wonder. And the fact that I attended Christian Youth Gatherings and Word Chillouts made me wonder why I ever did. The important thing was I am doing what I am doing and I am going wherever I am going according to his plans and favour. He is always there and searching for us (incase we got lost).



Sometimes, I regretted of knowing all these facts (psychology, self-help, golden rules, etc). Sometimes, I am glad for knowing it.
It's less stressful when you do not know everything~ Other ppl's expectations are hard to live by.
The same goes for our expectations. Sometimes, knowing some facts made me feel like I am holding a very big and heavy responsibility. Luke 12 : 47 - 48. Sometimes, knowing some facts made me think that I am different and better than anyone else when I am just the same in the Lord's eye. The fact that I wrote of all this is because God had gifted me with this interest and not-too developed talent. With this, I am doing whatever I am doing now for His Glory if this is what He wants and if this is what pleases Him. This is no longer about me or what everyone thinks anymore. It became more about him.

Between Deaf and Dumb

March 28, 2009 - Today was another school day on a Saturday (don't know why St. Teresa also got class this morning). It was still (SJS) first term exam week but there were not much to study anymore because the last two subjects which will be tested on Monday are Modern and Additional Mathematics =P. So far, exam was okay except some parts in Bio and Add Maths which I screwed up alot and not able to finish on time.



We are planning on what to do after exam (as in recreation or fun day out activity). After everything we had been through, some of us or we deserved to have some quality fun out together. We could go to the movies, play bowling, hang out in Hilton, and group shopping like what we normally did before. Or maybe we could try something new? Maybe something like going out for a swim at MBKS, play paintball, play badminton, etc...?? Not everything was confirmed yet except we (gang Z) will be going out to the movies on next Friday after school (<--not what I planned). Anyways, I cannot wait to 'let go'. =D Hopefully, I will not miss WCO this coming Fri =P

Dear Diary...

St. Mary's School had a food sale today which ends at 1pm. My class ends at 12.10pm this afternoon =P Anyways, W and O (my goodfriends) went for the sale (straight after class) whereas I went home.

Also, I think I am getting deaf and I do not know why =/ I kept hearing senseless things from people which made me keep asking "huh?" or "I beg your pardon?".

"Later you and me during Merv's talk" became "Brother you and me when Merv stops".
"What did you put for question 1?" became "Why did you put four question one?"
"Stop that!" became "Sob that!"
"Crazy ar you!" became "Lazy are you!"

There were many more which I could not remember but it HAPPENED! Does this mean I should get a hearing aid soon? What is wrong with me? =S Need to get more serious in studies after this. Plans need to be drafted and carried out as soon as possible. "Think Smart! Act Smart!". Anyways, I am still lost at what should I do after the 'battle' (SPM or secondary life)? What will happen to me and my friends after all this? What will happen between me and my friends?

Click here and here for more... Kudos!! =)

Btw, tonight will be the night... Will Malaysia (or maybe just Kuching City) show concern of the world climate change issues that are happening in our world today? Will we (Malaysians) be a part of 60 Earth Hour Global tonight? Will Kuching City be in the midst of dark? Let us find out!! ;)

Child Within

Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand box at nursery school.

These are the things I learned. Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you are sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are food for you. Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some and draw some and paint and sing and dance and play and work everyday.

Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out in the world, watch for traffic, hold hands, and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why. We are like that.

And then remember that book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK! Everything you need to know is there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation, ecology, and politics and the sane living.



Think of what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk (or ice-cream) about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put thing back where we found them and clean up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

This is how it feels to be child-like =)

T For Tuesday

March 24, 2009 -Today was the first day of our school's (SJS) first term exam '09.
Bio and English were the first two subjects tested today. I did not do quite well in Bio so nvm...
at least I do not pressure myself too much today already. "Nasi sudah jadi bubur". The past is already past and time can never rewind. This does not explain why (almost) everyone kept checking their answers with other people. It is not like we are able to change the answers after passing up our answer sheets =P "If we fail, we praise God. If we pass, we praise God..." (adapted from Facing the Giants) =)



Anyways, what I did was... focus on the exam subjects which had not been tested YET but will be tested this week. There was nothing to study about English as it involves common sense and good english. That explained why I studied Sejarah during recess. Everything was going so well with my english subject and it kept to that way until the essay question. I was really attracted by Q3: "An inspirational friend" and that was what I wrote about. I was really inspired to write on this topic and it lasted till the end. Ideas and inspiration could not stop coming into my head and I could not stop writing. I had a good feeling about this and hoped to share more of this with you soon.

Btw, Dear Diary...

my BI teacher so sakai never knew how to count number of words effectively using a calculator... =.=' Still, I feel good about it cause she asked me to TEACH her how to... . Student teaching teacher... How cool is that?

Baby Photos

We all know mums love to dress up their kids.

But
when Dad is a graphic designer, anything is possible..

It all started out with the innocent
baby picture below...

A Little Too Much

March 19, 2009 - "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy". This saying holds very true for me.

I had been studying for at least 7 hours everyday in the library (Mon-Wed : DBKU library ; Thursday : School library). I did nothing much at night cause my eyes already hurt and parts of my body felt restless. Thus, I often threw myself on the bed after reaching home (sometime in the evening) until I 'remembered' dinner. I became more like a pig... Eat, Sleep, (add in one more word) study. The problem was I could not sleep though I wanted/needed to.

I did not think I could go 'haywire' because of study until today. I did not feel any headache. I could not feel the stress. I smiled and laughed and joked. Maybe I am just bored which explains why I could not be myself (or control myself) lately.

Today got video editing follow-up (which I attended after having lunch and group study with O). I was not (<--more to 'could not') thinking anymore of what I was saying. Don't know why...
P's eyes looks serious. I wanna be serious too! Gosh, so mad with myself because I could not (did not) commit myself totally to video-editing. I failed to do/complete my first 'homework' or video-editing project. My homework/project restarts. Me awfully quiet then. The multimedia room was full with AK, O, S and P's voice.

It has already been 2 hours when the clock struck 4pm. Dad already arrived to pick me up from the youth room. Everyone seemed busy and their eyes so serious when I left with some small goodbyes. Have I annoyed, irritate, angered, etc. them somehow? Or maybe it's because P and AL. somewhat failed their driving test today? =X Or maybe it's just me (pretending that I can see through the eyes)?

Dad brought me to tuition (starts at 4.30pm) later. Everything went well (as what I thought) until I could not 'take in' anymore. Let me call this phenomena "brain cramp". "Brain cramp" (as what I called it) is something like my mind could not focus/concentrate or 'take in' anymore. I took too much time on trying to understand and remember some new things that were taught. Also, I took too much time to understand and answer one simple objective question. Was I in the midst of breaking down? I did not realized it because I was smiling and talking and joking with Mr. Voon (my tuition teacher).

The clock struck 6.30pm. Everyone were leaving when I am still sitting at where I was. Mr. Voon left for dinner and will be back soon (7pm - 9pm) to teach in physics tuition later (which I also attended). I stayed back in the same room and still doing the exercises until it happened again. Scribbled exercises, thrown pen, etc were the products. There was only one girl (sleeping) in the class when that happened. I took my earplug and went down the stairs where I fell down. It hurts but I still kick my injured/sprained leg against the wall. Call me emo... caused I somewhat enjoyed the pain. (Don't know why I laughed when I tried to 'fix' my leg).

I was able to walk properly but was still worried if the pain will become more serious tomorrow. I walked to a place where I sat alone... where it is quite safe and I can be seen. There, I prayed to God. I was still kinda mad for no particular reason. I was mad at myself. I was not able to please Him and stuffs. I kept asking Him for things. "Why isit about me when it's all about You?". "Change me, Change Me, CHANGE ME! I wanna become more like you"

I took out my HP and listened to some Christian Songs in my playlist. The music player was set to shuffle mode and the songs played were "Voice of Truth", "Lead me to the Cross", "Hosanna", and "Spirit Come". These songs became my prayer. His presence became my comfort. His Holy Spirit became my guide. I was so thankful yet feeling so guilty over many things. Someone shook me from the back and it was W who just arrived for tuition. Another voice called out to me and it was Mr. Voon with his jokes... "Eh, why you so emo? You putus cinta isit?". (=.= I never had girlfriend before!) Anyways, God has worked His wonders on me. He made me feel belonged. He brought me out from my short emo-ness and loneliness feelings. He made me appreciate more!! =) Thank You, Lord!!



Extras :
I told W and Mr. Voon about my leg and they could not 'fix' it (probably because my feet is smelly which explains why Mr. Voon says so). Thus, I 'fixed' or twisted it myself. It was kinda painful but I laughed. Still don't know why... =.= Maybe there were some 'laughing' nerve at the feet which was injured (which I tried to 'fix'). The pain remained but did not get worst on Friday. The pains was gone on Saturday!! PTL!! =D

Raise My Voice

March 18, 09 -

*melody*, *harmony*, *higher pitch*, *screamed*, *coughed*, *felt like vomiting* =.=

Here's how the story goes...



A human sang a wonderful melody with the nature's harmony. Everything sounded okay until he reached a point of higher note. Thus, he tried to throw his voice out. He screams! He reached his vocal limit and almost everything went spinning in his head. Frustrated and suffocated (felt like vomiting) he kept screaming to himself.

That idiot was me.

A good singer must have good vocals (which I do not have).
I want to be a good singer (to achieve a part of my uncertain dreams) but...
-I always sang through my nose (which produced the squeaky sound) and I do not know much on how to control it or cancel the automatic nose-singing programme in me =.=
-I could not reach some higher note (made me somewhat frustrated when some friend can do it)
-etc...

I wonder if I can ever become someone who I want to be or maybe meant to be. I am now taking a huge risk (for that) for myself. I am pushing myself beyond my vocal limit, trying to raise my voice. It does not matter much to me now if I could break my vocal chord. If I really do (lose my voice), that leaves me with three or more option of who I want to be or maybe meant to be. Click Here

I will lift my voice to God. Almost everyone have the passion in music. Almost everyone wanted to sing for themselves and for God but not many achieved this dream. Nothing will happen if I am going to lose it. Life just gotta move on... =P

Writing 800 - 1000 Words

"The Best Things In Life"

Dateline is drawing near (31st August) and it is clashing with the coming (SJS) first term exam. There is not much time to write at least another 600+ words for the essay (something like that) writing competition. There is only one title present to write about and the title is shown above... "The Best Things In Life".

Most likely, I may not able to complete the 'essay' in time but I am going to complete it anyways. Maybe God is calling me to do so. Maybe because of the attracting topic also. Maybe because of the fun of it. This essay was supposed to be submitted to KL or Dublin as what I read about in the article... (not sure about it)

I had only allowed one person to read the 1st 200words of the essay (what I've written so far) and he came up with some good comments except the parts where there were many typing ERRORS and grammatical MISTAKES!

Anyways, what I am writing now might be able to keep one thinking and move the persons heart (according to my friend). Hopefully, it does because I believed God is inspiring me to write this... =)

Holz

March 17, 2009 - Holidays are meant for us to relax and enjoy, letting go of stress, etc.
All these were taken away from me and by me studying in DBKU library (somewhere near Hopoh) when I am supposed to go out to the movies, to the beach, out of town (maybe out of state/country), etc.

Morning 9am till afternoon 5pm (including lunch break)... Those were the time spent to study for the coming (SJS) exam during this holiday. Not much time for me to go online, check my multiply account (there were 43 new posts especially from Empowered Ministry), blog about somethings, etc.. The night was spent on resting (after a long day of hurting my eyes with words)



It was a so-called good decision by me to study in the library rather than at home. It was my home where I often did nothing related to study, often distracted by this addictive technology which I used to come up with my blogs, often distracted by my guitar and keyboard in my master bedroom (where I am sleeping), often tempted to sleep on my soft comfy bed, etc...

A study group might be good though I never quite been into one before. Thus, I invited a few people including some Form 4 friends. Everything went well without much distractions except...

Anyways, perhaps studying during the holidays is not too bad after all. I do not really feel the urge or stress in me. Could it be my self-conscious telling me that "It is time to be serious"? (Serious=Stress) Somehow, I feel good and happy about things now that I 'tutored' a helpless Form 4 friend/bro of mine in Add Maths. (Woah! I think I am good in Add Maths now! =D Just so-so)

Tutoring can be a good thing afterall besides building a positive personality and interacting... Should I take up tutoring as a part time job after Form 5 while waiting for SPM result to be released? O.o

Jeremiah 3: 1-18

March 14, 2009 - Jeremiah 3: 1-13. There was a story behind this bible verse which I wanna share about.

It had been quite sometime since I last went for confession. Yesterday was just one of those days but it happened at such unexpected school period (in the morning) especially right before PJK. Anyways, I had a choice... To skip confession and go for PJ or vice versa. I chose the latter and it has not been a day when I started to sin again. It has not even been 3 days!!
"Jesus rise up from the dead on the third day".

Oh God! I felt somewhat regret and sorry for not able to control myself from evil ideas, thoughts, doing, etc. It is true that He will always forgive me but isit right that way? (The guilt, the anything related and similar...)



It struck me down to praying to God this afternoon. Asking Him for forgiveness and guidance for His Way, His Truth and His life again and again with my bible at hand. I was simply pinpointing at the bible with my eyes opened/closed until I opened up a page with words. Out of all the words, the first thing which struck me were the words, "Are You Really Returning To Me?". That was where I started reading this bible verse, Jeremiah 3: 1-13 and it strucked me that I may always seek forgiveness and ask God this, "Father, guide of my youth! Will You always be angry? Will your wrath last forever?". However, that was what I said and asked, and "did evil as much you were able to".



I continued to pray and asked him to change me to become more like Him, into His image. Change Me, Change Me, CHANGE ME! *quiet*

Jeremiah 3: 14-18. I continued reading and it strucked me more. I may have sinned against Him again and again. I may have been dishonest, angry, selfish, etc. but that does not change the fact that He wants me back to be His own. He will continue to give me anything. He will change me. He will never abandon and forsake His children.

Thank God He really proven much to me...=)

Rediscovered

Time flies. Now is the month of March and I needed 2 more post (after this) to achieve my 30th blog post =D Anyways, you may call this a random blog...

Just recently, I realized that I became very interested or passionate about writing/blogging (though my English ain't good =X). Somehow, I find that it is easier for me to express my thoughts and ideas through writing/blogging rather than me expressing it shyly & boldly, etc esp when comes face-to-face. As what I read before in some books, writing/blogging helps to relax/release stress. It kinda works in the same way/concept as shouting but it is done by expressing in written-words. Maybe that was one reason why I do not feel so stress about the coming (SJS) exam when I should be struggling to get many 'things' into my head now =P

I indulged (<--cool word... WOAH! =P) myself into it. Now I find that it is hard to not think about it (things to write/blog about: life, facts, news, stories, etc). It became a distraction for me when I wanted and needed to focus more on study!!! It somewhat tempted me to write something or anything :S

On second thought, could this be a sign of who I wanna be or what I wanna do after school and maybe college? Perhaps a writer? A composer? Novelist? Maybe second generation Kenny Sia?



On third thought, I like somethings about photography (simply take/shoot) and other multimedia stuff too. Does that mean I could or I should become a photographer? (My only camera was my handyphone so far..)

On fourth thought, everyone are passionate about music and I'm also one of them. Should I became a musician or singer? (which I doubt because of my poor vocals, etc)

On fifth thought, there were times when I felt God was calling me to be His own. In other words, should I let go of almost everything to become a priest? O.O



Anyways, due to my 'bo-lang-bo-juak'ness I came up with these new blogging guidelines rules are made to be broken
-Do not criticize anyone (unless I want the same thing to happen to me)
-Do not make fun of others =.= (unless it is in a good and respectful way)
-Do not raise up sensitive issues for public view (or else... I Simply Arrest)
-Do not write it too long (unless I wanna bore some people out)
-Plan on the things I wanna write about and decide which suitable party are allowed to view it
-Title should consist of maximum 5 words
-Try adding suitable pictures

Preparing My Fields

March 10, 2009 - Thinking it over. It was not enough. Plans, timetables, drafts... Procrastination not needed! There were many things which I needed to learn, improve and catch up with... and these are the list of it.

-Remembering God everytime (when pass, fail, happy, sad, angry, etc)

-My studies (because exam is drawing near and I had not been concentrating in class lately)

-My Chinese language because I am a Chinese and it would be a disgrace if I do not know how to speak it well (there was this one time when I was doing part time work as a waiter. I was serving some group of my-kind. One of them was somewhat annoyed by my English-ness and said something like "You chinese also don't know how speak chinese!" :P)

-Writing an essay entitled "The Best Things In Life" for some open competition (not confirmed yet due to exam and the closing date on 31st March)

-Composing something for something something in Boulevard ASAP (not confirm going due to exam)

-Editing some videos at where I was left off since... O.o

-etc. (couldn't remember)

The list above are not according to the most important to the least important or vice versa.

Anyways, that was not quite my point. I knew and understand now that I needed to do something about me changing myself further to become a better person (preparing my fields) with the help and grace of God. Nothing is impossible with Him and through Him. You may call me 'Happy' because I am feeling 'Spiritual' lately (something like that). Perhaps, God is working in me right now and I had been moved many times recently.

May God does the same thing to you too! God bless! =)

Facing The Giants

March 8, 2009 - It is happening. It is inspiring. It is touching. It was talked about by Merv (in YG) and made as a topic of discussion (in WCO). It is about Facing The Giants on Movie Night... The first ever held by Empowered this year. =P
Pics Available Here.

A little something...
Everyone (including me) experienced bad things in life before and some were very harsh. They pulled us down and became our giants. Sometimes, we focus more on ourselves (winning, etc) rather than the upmost important that is always God. In times of desperation (losing), we asked God for help. In times of joy, we tend to forget about God and think that we had won it by our own efforts. But this movie somewhat reminded me of all that... "If we win, we praise God. If we lose, we praise God".

Something more...
God will always come when you called to Him and believe.
"It had not been raining for days now and two farmers are in desperate need of water for their land. Both of them prayed to God but only one of them prepared his field for the uncertain rain. Which of both men who truly believes and receive?"
Life maybe hard to live with at times. Praying, asking, calling, etc may not be enough. It's the faith that matters. Faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains. Kinda reminded me of myself now. I kept praying to God for good results in SPM but I'm doing nothing much for it. I was distracted by all sorts of things and did not bother to study for the coming (SJS) examination. SPM (this year 2009) will be and need something more than just this (praying, asking, calling, etc). I need to prepare my fields for the coming rain. In other words, I have to truly plan everything for my studies and outsmart/outwit the giants in me.

More from the movie: Facing The Giants

Warning: Spoilers might be available from the reviews/sypnosis for the movie below.

Voice of Truth - Casting Crowns

Facing The Giants Trailer

From the award winning producers of FLYWHEEL, comes an action-packed drama about a Christian high school football coach who uses his undying faith to battle the giants of fear and failure. In six years of coaching, Grant Taylor has never led his Shiloh Eagles to a winning season. After learning that he and his wife Brooke face infertility, Grant discovers that a group of fathers are secretly organizing to have him dismissed as head coach. Devastated by his circumstances, he cries out to God in desperation. When Grant receives a message from an unexpected visitor, he searches for a stronger purpose for his football team. He dares to challenge his players to believe God for the impossible on and off the field. When faced with unbelievable odds, the Eagles must step up to their greatest test of strength and courage. What transpires is a dynamic story of the fight between faith and fear. Facing the Giants is a powerful experience for the whole family inspiring viewers to live with faith, hope, and love!

The Last Supper...?

2000 years ago, (I think) bread was made of flour, egg and water. It tasted so plain and comes in supposedly one shape and one size. But Jesus broke it, gave it to His disciples, and said something like... "Take and Eat. This is my Body". Nowadays with modern technologies, bread can be resized into smaller pieces which we can always take during masses in Church.

With modern technologies nowadays, (supposedly) the same ingredients used to make bread can be used to make something edible which tasted better... Behold! The French Fries (a.k.a the so-called bread which supports life) =P



And the modern day disciples of God...


How Great is Our God who made all these things possible!! =)

Next?

March 6, 09 - Exam is coming soon in less than 20 days now and not much were done for the (SJS) coming exam which will be held after the holiday this month. Somehow, I wasn't so stress about it OR trying really hard to study like anyone does on a last minute basis. However, I always had the feel or urge to do something for the exam. I had to study... I want to study! But I can't study! My problem was procrastination and distractions. Most of the time, I had too many 'giants' to face. My passion for music, blogging, friends, school duty, etc that were distracting me caused me to loose focus... Argh!

Btw, giants are a little something that Merv had talked about during the previous YG and it not the typical real giants like you see in ultraman or powerpuff girls. Giants are something in you or us that finds delight in pulling us down and away from God. Someone once told me to face my giants by trusting in the Lord no matter how hard giants tried to prevent/stop you from doing so.



Anyways, tonight's WCO was something related. However, tonight was a little more special today because tonight's WCO was based on a movie clip taken from the movie "Facing the Giants". It was another great movie-bible sharing session with everyone in my group and the "what we were discussing about" was "Never Give Up". Just the right thing in the right time, I guessed? ^^ God knew!! Somehow, it still didn't quite get to me. I was inspired to do something though :P



Then, there was a special request to pray for those who sat for SPM/STPM before. At first, I was kinda blur and thought that it was for us (Form 5 and Upper ^ this year) so I stood up =P and made a fool of myself. Thank God someone pulled me from coming to the front. Anyways, *skip parts* wacthing and praying over them made me realized that I was growing up too fast. Or could it be just me? Years later, I will be an adult and role models for others to follow. But the question is... What I wanna do or who I wanna become after SPM Form 5? What will happen to me and my friends? Will we seperate long enough or (perhaps) permanently towards our dreams and goals in life? The only answer which I could tell myself was something like... "It is by my Father's Authority and Time that you will 'find out/'receive'" =)

Yours Truly

March 5, 09 - Two years (last year and this year) of being an assistant class monitor taught me something... Being an assistant class monitor was not as easy as being a prefect (especially when I had to do most of the job by myself =X).

[Last Year 2008]
Sadly, I was not a prefect. I was the only non-prefect in my group of friends. I was often very lonely in class when my friends were away for duty. Thus, having too much free time...

Anyways, problems arise from the point when I was appointed as assistant class monitor last year. I thought that having a monitor post in class should be a good thing. At least, I could stand out in my group =P I did not want to disappoint my friends to become the Chinese representative for the class. Also, I need the post for my KK points. Besides, my identity as a class monitor can easily kept and hidden from my parents who did not want me to carry any unnecessary burden.

Time flies. Most teachers always refered to me for the whatever-monitor-duty job. I asked for help but the actual class monitor had something better to do... caligraphy! I, too have something more better to do besides sweeping the floor, arranging the tables, tick attendance file, check attendance (sometimes), handing out papers, inquire teachers for importants notes and announcement for the class, etc.. Many non-prefects in my class knew and were witnesses to this. They wanted me to stand up against him but NO!

"He complained about the previous monitors before. Why not you?!" said (name).
My crappy thoughts came up to me again... "He's been acting really nice to certain people *ahem*. Also, he's making his jobs seems so obvious and mine not so obvious!"

Quarelling and debating was not my game. I wanted to resign but some people just did not want that to happen... leaving him as class monitor.

[This Year 2009]
I was nominated to become assistant monitor again!!! Argh!!! Again, I could not refuse. There no better candidates in my class to become class monitor and assistant monitor... especially HIM! At least our current class monitor did a better job than the previous one. We were able to split our jobs and carry it accordingly without much complication (pushing the job around) and procrastination. As expected, life in school gets tougher especially when I needed to study so much for SPM!

My job as assistant monitor this year were lesser and simpler...
-Inquire teachers for notes and announcements
-Collect money for whatever educational funds (especially when school is cutting cost these days)
-Get everyone to tugas in class (whenever necessary).

One thing which I do not feel happy about was our previous class monitor (2008) trying to get himself involved with us and our job! Why on earth is he picking (scolding, advising, super-vising) more on the class monitor rather than on me?!
Was it because the class monitor was small in size and easier to pick on?
Was it because he think that he could do a better job than us?
Was it because he was upset that he was not nominated as class monitor? (What happened to him saying "I do not want to become class monitor again this year? I can play reverse psychology better!)

Whatever...

SJS Prayer Day

March 5, 09 - The day was set, practices were already carried out, venue fixed at St. Peter's College Auditorium, set-ups were already done, bla-bla-blue and tomorrow's the day... Prayer Day with the theme: Grace of Forgiveness. Talk given by Mervyn Lee of Empowered! =D

Those who were involved for the event were gathered up in St. Peter's College this afternoon to help with the setting up and so on. I was at the place for the last music practice before the real day tomorrow and... owh! Btw, I'm working in the music ministry as the Shaker! Yea!! Also back-up for guitar! Erm... Yea? Anyways, this has been a long week probably because I can't wait for it O.o Hope everything will go well unlike today when I spoiled something which might cause some people (who cares about me and who I care about) lost some trust in me.
Sheesh, why do I always spoil things especially musical instrument? =.=

E.R.08 Memories

E.R. 08 (last year) with the theme : LOVE was a really REALLY memorable experience for me. It was when I started to know some (not-so) new friends. It was another turning point in my life (not my first and not sure when will be my last) =P Can't really say how or why cause I'm not sure either... It was another of those moments which drives me to become a better person and I hope this feeling will never go away...

Somethings happened during the 3rd and last day of ER08 which I think I ought to share about. *Skips parts* I received a wonderful gift from God... A wooden bracelet which symbolizes our new bonds with God and the rest of His Children. I'm not sure how to explain this but everyone were given almost the same kind of bracelet...



Also, today was the day when I got my first REAL handphone with camera and many other cool features... It was my K770-i cameraphone unlike my 082 home mobile phone which I used to have. Yucks and sucks! =P Since then, I used my K770-i to capture videos, phototaking, record talks and conversation, etc and I really liked it... (trying to be careful, not to be addicted with my HP) PTL!! =)

Gosh, if only I could attend the E.R. from before.
Oh wells, how I wish to but time can never rewind..
Anyways, can't wait for the surprises for the coming ER09 : JOY

Bittersweet Lau?

Feb 24, 09 - Tomorrow is the beginning of lent, Ash Wednesday. It's the tradition of our St. Joseph School to have a combined mass with St. Teresa's school every year on this very day. SJS Catholics expected for a mass tomorrow until an announcement was made that there will be none. It was an order by our new school Principal (Thomas Lau). Reason given was because some students might use this opportunity to 'ponteng' school. How reasonable could that be? =/ Not everyone are like that.. Just like how some students wanted to learn and listen to the teacher when others kept distracting or disturbing them in class. It somewhat caused a commotion in the chapel this morning during catechism class. The mass was set up for us Josephian and Teresian together. There wouldn't be a mass without the Josephian joining as choir group and some as wardens.

What's worst was none of the teachers dared to stand up against the new principal's order. No offense but it's truly a disgrace for Catholic teachers who let this happen without doing anything. They would be just like Peter denying Jesus 3 times before He was put to trial and to death.. Everyone tried to remain cool. Pn. ? already consulted Bro Albinus, Mr. Darry (one of the school's PKM), etc who could not help much in anything yet. Thus, everyone of us came up with the idea of a petition or memorandom to file against the Principal. Though there were not enough time to prepare for mass tomorrow. However, more than 90% of Catholic students signed in the petition which was a good thing. We manage to get through Mr. Lau and the mass will be carried out as it always did annually. But there's a warning or condition to it...
1.Do not ever file a petition against him again ...
2.If the students don't behave in mass tomorrow or skip classes, there shall be no First Friday Masses anymore as long as he stays as Principal in St. Jo.

So everything was kinda shaky and stuffs. No preparations or practices for SJS choir and stuffs. Rest assure, everything should be okay with God's grace and power =)
SJS YCS committees would fully help out in the mass as wardens and stuffs. Helps might be needed ; )

Come! Come!

Feb 7, 09 - It's still the CNY season and I was visiting with my parents this morning. There was this one place which seemed really crowded with vehicles/people and I thought that there was some marriage going on something something. The place was actually my uncle's boss who is having an open house. So there were tables and chairs set up, the buffet ready for self-service and stuffs. There were CCTV (probably to see which person eats the most) too.



Some strangers came to the place for lunch. They're not really friends with my uncle's boss. They were here because there were many cars parked outside and thought that the place was actually some 'mini-restaurant house'! But honestly, it looked a little like it to me too =P There were 2 such houses in my neighborhood selling kolo-mee before...
Have these 'mini-restaurants' became a trend or isit just me? O.o

Lagging

Homeworks need to be completed.
Revision needs to be done.
Duties kept rushing in.
Tuitions and bible classes need to be attended.
'Video-editing' homework which was only half-done since the 'workshop' =P ETC

There's still somemore things I wana blog about but I can't find the time to do so =/
Life was kinda hectic for me now that I'm in Form 5. I don't feel like I have enough time or energy for everything. Procrastination and 'bla bla blue' needs to be overcome somehow or someway or I'll lag in whatever I do. How? O.o

Oh wells, hopefully I can blog more and live a life like Kenny Sia (his hair cost RM50k and all he does is blogging, right?)

Lost Inside

What am I feeling inside when knowing that somethings are not meant to be?
What am I suppose to feel (hiding the true pain of lost away)?
What am I to make things go my own way?

The reason for my lost in this talentine was totally because of my vocals!
(Feeling so Hot inside! :@ Maybe because of the curry which I just taken =P) struggling to break my vocal chord or barrier or whatever-you-call-it which is holding me back in singing =P
First of all, according to Norman (one of the judges), I look like I'm struggling on stage (more of wanting to eat up the judges) =P
Secondly, , I sounded so plain without any vocal effect such as vibrato (which I'm still struggling to learn!) or forcetto (which is not so encouraged by my 'pro'er friend).
Thirdly, I'm not singing through my stomach but through my nose and throat? O.o
...

Gosh! Why am I acting this way?! O.o 4th placing is not bad for someone who took part performing in some talentshow for the first time of his life! I should be happy! =) My songs from before... let it die =) Hopefully, I can sell or give it to some people who really REALLY know how to sing in Hollywood!

Well, Alex and Leslie won their Group Singing Category in Valentine Talentine '09! =) Made me feel better... (don't know why :P) I may not win anything or attract anyone today (Valentine's Day) but I know I still have friends who could and would stand up for me and by me. Also, remembering the story of the True Valentine.... Life is never about myself to begin with and that was what I figured out before my life's U-turn =)

Somehow, I still can't figure out about this feeling inside... =/

My Valentine '09

Feb 14, 2009 - Today was the day that I've waited for... It's partly because of Valentine's Day but it does not mean that I have anyone special. Well, it's because of the Valentine Talentine Event which was held at William Tan Auditorium, St. Joseph school this afternoon. However, somethings did not quite go well as planned and it's not because I did not receive any Valentine Gifts from anyone I know or don't know... (or at least a prank gift by some friends :P)

This is my story of today.. A little bit of how it goes..
*skips morning stories* ; ) now at St. Joseph school, my school :)





My first group performance with Leslie was about to begin when I just arrived school with an empty stomach. None of my friends (who were mostly prefects and 'duty-ing') were free enough to leave and buy lunch for me. Our first song performance was "In Love", composed by me. We made some last minute changes in the song before our performance but it was okay. I knew I wasn't so good in my singing (vocals, etc) so I just allowed Les become lead singer in this song and I become 'harmonizer'. The good thing was that no one 'boo-ed'. I screwed up a little in the song (so much of my own song! :P) but it was ok overall. We managed to cover up for each other.

We got off the stage when the crews and some friends started to give more good comments and praises. Yea, the music wasn't loud enough (though I think it was enough for both of us to listen :P) My stomach kept grumbling and the only thing that manage to keep me from severe stomach pain was the water I drank. Gosh, I drank too much! :S Still, I didn't have enough to go anywhere to buy lunch so I hanged around in the auditorium. Somehow, I feel kinda awkward. Somehow, I was expecting someone to be here though it's most probably NO! But I sure expected to win! =D It's a talentshow afterall and I proved to the judges that I have more than just 1 talent. I can compose songs, play guitar and sing =.=

I've waited for at least 30 more minutes, not more than 1 hour for my next performance. My solo with my another song "Be My Valentine", composed by me. I practiced at the performers' section with Les as someone to comment and help improve in my solo singing especially in my vocals (my only weakness =.=). Another stage fright... Judge Fright!





I was trying to distract my sight away from them but I noticed someone. Could it be a friend somewhere near the main entrance? My plans for my solo 'tidak jadi' after that. What I planned to do was telling everyone this with a really shy look, "Hello everyone. My name is James. I know that I've already been introduced by the emcee but I wanna do this again. Anyways, today I'm going to sing a song which I recently composed for this very day and I would like to dedicate this to someone special. I know you're there somewhere. I hope you'll enjoy this song 'Be My Valentine'"

;)

(The wink is memang intended for the audience but I totally forgot about it when coming on stage :P). The song was abit rushy or screwed. The tempo increased quite alot and I didn't realised until my friends and the stage crew told me. Anyways, I was also supposed to throw a flower and give another wink OR jump down the stage and look for the head prefect girl to give the flowers to. The head prefect girl is older and not compatible for me so PLS NO BAD IDEAS! Both plans tidak jadi because I lost the plastic flower which I stole from some class earlier on. I couldn't look for one anymore because I was outta time and the flowers sold outside the auditorium was kinda expensive!! =.= (No wonder the world spent 13 billion just on this one day for profits!)



I have no more performances after that so I hanged around the performers' section or dressing room texting some loved ones (bros and sis ;-)..) before heading out to refill my water. I took the camera (which I borrowed from Karen C. earlier on) from my friend who I requested to take videos of my performances and something something. Surprise!! Sis came without telling me anything earlier. ...O.o I continued texting her and some other loved ones who were here and going to be here and those who were not here for the talentine.

Meanwhile... Guess who just arrived?





The Stoic4Life Band still in their cars.
Stoic4life, our invited guest performer performed. Gosh, they did really well!! ;) It's kinda sad that they had to leave early for mass this evening. Sorry I didn't take any pictures of them on stage :P Don't know why... O.o

There's nothing much that can be done for me except watching the performers doing what they were doing. I was hanging out abit with Karen C. and her band before they left. There were still 5 or 6 or 7 more performances before this all ends and it comes to the judges' final conclusion and PRIZE GIVING!



It was one of my unexpecting moments. The audience kept voting Stoic4life as champion for both categories of group singing and band :P (though they knew that Stoic4life was actually an invited cool band ;-) )
Also, I was expecting hoping to win (after proving that I have 'talents' XD Can compose songs, play guitar and sing. I only took part in the solo singing category which... didn't go so well for me =.=. My other (own-composed) song which I performed with Leslie was just only an opening performance or something like that :P (thus, not counted in the judges' conclusion). The heart beats for me as the name of winners were called out for each category.

The 2nd runner-up for group singing is... (as expected, not us! XD)
The 1st runner-up for group singing is (Not anyone I know?! O.o)
The Champion goes to... Alex Kucha and Leslie Wong! (Woo! Everyday! ;) As expected! I hoped they won and they did XP)





Now comes the category which I'm competing in... Solo Singing! =S
The 2nd runner-up for solo singing is... (not me)
The 1st runner-up for solo singing is... (not me again!)

The Champion goes to... =(



Well, somethings are not meant to be perhaps? =) Check this out!
Somehow, something felt to move me from within. Could it be me when I was attending Saturday Evening mass after the talentine? Nop.. It was the story of the True Valentine which I was trying to remind myself about. I may not receive any valentine gifts for my past 17 years. I may not win my first Talentshow of my life today. I may be disappointed with myself and my songs. Rest Assure... God has always and will always be my Valentine =)

My plans of getting bald this evening also tidak jadi because of some reasons (chicken-ing out was not one of the reasons! =.=). Maybe God have other plans for me of not getting bald :P Anyways, can't wait to move on with life! =D